I Don’t Even Know: A Tantrum

I’m having a hard time and I figured I could vent to you all. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone will call me crazy, abandon me and then make fun of me with their friends? Oh god the horror****** Continue reading

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Michigan: An Opportunity

I hate the cold. No…you don’t understand…I HATE THE COLD. There is nothing appealing to me about the cold. I hate being cold. I have terrible memories of waking up for school and wearing what I slept in because I was too cold to get out from under the covers to get ready for school in time. So naturally, when I was offered a job in Michigan I was like “haha funny joke”.

I even asked the guy that offered me the job how cold it was in Lansing, MI to which he replied,

“If that’s going to determine whether or not you accept my employment offer, I’m not going to tell you.”

He eventually caved and informed me that it was in fact 16 degrees.

HA NO THANKS GOODBYE.

If I lived in 16 degree weather I would be absolutely miserable. But wait a second…I’m miserable now.

I’ve lived in Tennessee my entire life and I have been miserable.

I don’t blame Tennessee for my misery. I really don’t. But I’ve done all that I’m going to do here.

When I told one of my friends about the job offer, I expected her to have the same reaction:

laugh.

But she said, “why the hell not? If you don’t go, what’s your plan for the next five years?”

It was then that I actually gave this offer some serious thought.

What is my plan for the next five years?

Oh shit, I don’t know.

In all honesty, with the way things are going, I would more than likely be in the same situation I am in now.

Life is what you make it. I have the ability to turn my life into what I want it to be but in reality, I’m not going to do it here. I know myself. And I’m not going to make the most out of my life here. It’s not something I am proud to admit but it’s true.

In Knoxville, I will never be fully responsible for myself. I will always have family and friends that will help me. And while that is amazing and I’m forever grateful for that, it prevents me from being motivated. It’s safe. It doesn’t drive me to do better for myself. It’s not scary.

If I move to Michigan I will be completely on my own. And that is terrifying but it’s also exciting. The idea of being somewhere where no one has any sort of preconceived notion of me is enough to make me start packing my bags right now.

I have been offered an amazing opportunity to change my life for the better and I’d be a fool to not do this. This will give me a chance to truly start over, to take my life in my own hands and make something good out of it. And if I were to choose being warm over being happy…well, that’s ridiculous.

A big reason why I’m excited to go is that I’m going to have health insurance. This might not seem like much to some people, but I’m going to finally be able to see a doctor that can help me. I’ll be able to see someone who can help me the way I need to be helped and get me on some meds that will make a difference in my anger, anxiety, and depression. I’ll actually be able to get better. And I can’t do that here because POOR.

I’ve only known about this for a little less than a month. It was sprung on me very last minute and I have to move up there by the end of this month. You read that correctly: I am moving before the first of the year…AHHHH.

I just want you all to know that I have not purchased one thing from Sephora since I made my decision.

THIS HAS BEEN SO AWFUL. And for those of you that know me, you know how hard that is for me…

I also NEVER work nights at my job and since I’ve decided to move I have been working as much as I can. I walk into work at night and at least three people are like “why are you here…”

Well, I’m here to make as much money as I possibly can because I’m trying to move in a month.

But there’s only so many shifts I can work and only so much money I can make on my own.

I have so much to do and so much to pay for and I’m beginning to feel extremely overwhelmed.

I don’t want money to be the only reason for me not to go to Michigan. Money isn’t everything in life but it’s  a crucial part of it. I’ve never asked anyone for anything and honestly I feel really uncomfortable asking for anything now, but I need you all to know how serious I am about this life decision. It’s what I want and I’m going to go whether or not I have $5 in my pocket or $500.

I’m going to have to get a new apartment, pay for traveling and moving expenses. I’m also going to need a bunch of serious winter clothes and also professional clothes for me to wear to work. It’s a lot that I’m going to have to pay for out of pocket and honestly, I just don’t have it and I know you all know that my family would give me the world if they could; they just can’t.

So if you would like to help me in ANY way you can, I would be forever grateful. Anything will help. Whether you have some old coats or scarves you would want to toss my way, I’d accept them happily. Or maybe some blazers and pencil skirts that you don’t wear…I’ll take what I can get. Also, any old furniture or dishes or stuff for an apartment that will help me survive on my own. I’m a child. I’m a mess. HALP.

But if you don’t have any of that stuff and you still want to help, you can follow the link to a gofundme account which will be posted below to donate to the cause. All donations are going to go directly to me moving to Michigan. No Sephora stops. No Taco Bell.

 http://www.gofundme.com/i2bf0s

Literally every penny helps.

I’m so incredibly excited to take this next step in my life and I just want to give a big high five to everyone that has already helped me and supported me. It’s been amazing.

I will be gone for New Years and also my 21st birthday, which is sad but honestly, opportunities like this don’t come often in this world for someone like me and I’m extremely grateful that it has happened for me.

Let’s just hope I don’t freeze to death.

Thank you all again and since I’ll be living alone and won’t know anyone for at least a little while, I’ll probably be blogging a lot more…but don’t get your hopes up 😉

Until next time, beeshes.

MBN

A House is Not a Home: A Breakdown

I slept in a bed this weekend. Two nights in a row. The room was freezing cold but I covered myself in three different blankets and fell asleep with a smile on my face. I woke up to friends poking … Continue reading

Tinder’d: It Could Happen to You

Now is the time to be alive. We have unlimited access to all sorts of information just by getting on our phones or computers. I can tell you the capital of Fiji in a matter of seconds (Siri just informed me it’s Suva with a population of 88, 271). I’m an internetaholic. If I’m not on my phone, I’m on my laptop. I don’t know what it is but ever since I got my laptop, I’ve been glued to it. I know there are a lot of mixed opinions about my generation being too dependent on technology but I think I’m better off being addicted to tumblr rather than crack cocaine, but then again, I’ve never tried crack cocaine so maybe I don’t know what I’m missing.

There’s a buzz going around the social media world. It’s a little app called Tinder. I know you’ve heard about it because it’s funny and depressing and a little frightening. Basically, it’s a “dating” app that you download onto your phone and it matches you with people in your area. It’s anonymous until you and another person have both “liked” each other and then you are notified and you have the option of messaging each other. Cute idea, right?

Wrong.

First off, I’m not going to defend why I downloaded this app. I could sit here and try and tell you that I downloaded it because I think it’s funny and I like to laugh at everyone on there. I could tell you that I like it when people tell me I’m pretty and they want to do me or that I truly feel like I could meet my soulmate via Tinder. Believe what you will.

Let me share with you some of my Tinder experiences:

“If you don’t call your group of friends the Funky Bunch I will be severely upset.”

“Nice tits. I mean smile.”

“You and I’d make some sexy babies, Marki.”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

And here’s a real winner:

“Sorry I’m going to be a complete ass, but I’m not interested in dating. But I’d love to just go down on you for a few hours.”

………………I guess I appreciate his cut-to-the-chase attitude, but no thank you.

Anyways, you get the idea of the sort of shit that goes on this thing.

So today, like most days, I got bored and started flipping through the fellas and I’m seeing the typical pictures which consist of group fraternity photos, mirror selfies and dramatic sideshots of bearded men playing the guitar.

And then I see it.

Or rather, it sees me.

A penis.
Staring at me.

And not just any penis…a small, flaccid penis. Pubes included.

I did not invite this penis into my life. I did not ask for it to present itself to me. I did not ask for this. I did not.

I could say “there’s a time and a place” but I’m sorry…I don’t think there is a time and a place for dick pics. I don’t want to see a picture of anyone’s penis. Ever.

Sexting is a thing people do. I’m aware of this trend. I’m not against it. Sexy texts? Okay cool whatever.
Maybe it’s just me, but there is nothing visually appealing about a penis to me. I don’t want to see it on my phone. If it’s in front of me, that’s a different story. I’ll make eye contact with it. But when I’m flipping through my phone casually and a flaccid dick pops up, I’m going to be a little upset.

Now if you’re into that sort of thing and you’re texting some dude and you say “hey bby lemme see that dick” and he sends you a private photo, do your thing. Go to town. I actually received a dick pic for the first time recently and I literally didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it…like, thanks for showing me your penis, how was your day???

Maybe I’m just awkward and naïve but I just can’t with dick pics.

Moral of the story is don’t put your penis as your profile picture on a phone app. Please.

Because now instead of seeing beards and guitars, all I can see is a tiny floppy wiener. My eyes are burning and I’m afraid to pick up my phone because with shit like that, virtual STDs are going to become a reality.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this because it’s basically an app for people to hook up with each other but I figured everyone was going to be a little more subtle about it.

Be careful out there, ya’ll.

A flaccid penis might just get you next.

Bye, beeshes.

MBN