Remember When I Said I was Moving?: An Awkward Update

Hey there! OMG Michigan is great! I moved successfully and I started my new job and I love it. The weather is a little cold, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. The people are great and I’ve already made loads … Continue reading

Michigan: An Opportunity

I hate the cold. No…you don’t understand…I HATE THE COLD. There is nothing appealing to me about the cold. I hate being cold. I have terrible memories of waking up for school and wearing what I slept in because I was too cold to get out from under the covers to get ready for school in time. So naturally, when I was offered a job in Michigan I was like “haha funny joke”.

I even asked the guy that offered me the job how cold it was in Lansing, MI to which he replied,

“If that’s going to determine whether or not you accept my employment offer, I’m not going to tell you.”

He eventually caved and informed me that it was in fact 16 degrees.

HA NO THANKS GOODBYE.

If I lived in 16 degree weather I would be absolutely miserable. But wait a second…I’m miserable now.

I’ve lived in Tennessee my entire life and I have been miserable.

I don’t blame Tennessee for my misery. I really don’t. But I’ve done all that I’m going to do here.

When I told one of my friends about the job offer, I expected her to have the same reaction:

laugh.

But she said, “why the hell not? If you don’t go, what’s your plan for the next five years?”

It was then that I actually gave this offer some serious thought.

What is my plan for the next five years?

Oh shit, I don’t know.

In all honesty, with the way things are going, I would more than likely be in the same situation I am in now.

Life is what you make it. I have the ability to turn my life into what I want it to be but in reality, I’m not going to do it here. I know myself. And I’m not going to make the most out of my life here. It’s not something I am proud to admit but it’s true.

In Knoxville, I will never be fully responsible for myself. I will always have family and friends that will help me. And while that is amazing and I’m forever grateful for that, it prevents me from being motivated. It’s safe. It doesn’t drive me to do better for myself. It’s not scary.

If I move to Michigan I will be completely on my own. And that is terrifying but it’s also exciting. The idea of being somewhere where no one has any sort of preconceived notion of me is enough to make me start packing my bags right now.

I have been offered an amazing opportunity to change my life for the better and I’d be a fool to not do this. This will give me a chance to truly start over, to take my life in my own hands and make something good out of it. And if I were to choose being warm over being happy…well, that’s ridiculous.

A big reason why I’m excited to go is that I’m going to have health insurance. This might not seem like much to some people, but I’m going to finally be able to see a doctor that can help me. I’ll be able to see someone who can help me the way I need to be helped and get me on some meds that will make a difference in my anger, anxiety, and depression. I’ll actually be able to get better. And I can’t do that here because POOR.

I’ve only known about this for a little less than a month. It was sprung on me very last minute and I have to move up there by the end of this month. You read that correctly: I am moving before the first of the year…AHHHH.

I just want you all to know that I have not purchased one thing from Sephora since I made my decision.

THIS HAS BEEN SO AWFUL. And for those of you that know me, you know how hard that is for me…

I also NEVER work nights at my job and since I’ve decided to move I have been working as much as I can. I walk into work at night and at least three people are like “why are you here…”

Well, I’m here to make as much money as I possibly can because I’m trying to move in a month.

But there’s only so many shifts I can work and only so much money I can make on my own.

I have so much to do and so much to pay for and I’m beginning to feel extremely overwhelmed.

I don’t want money to be the only reason for me not to go to Michigan. Money isn’t everything in life but it’s  a crucial part of it. I’ve never asked anyone for anything and honestly I feel really uncomfortable asking for anything now, but I need you all to know how serious I am about this life decision. It’s what I want and I’m going to go whether or not I have $5 in my pocket or $500.

I’m going to have to get a new apartment, pay for traveling and moving expenses. I’m also going to need a bunch of serious winter clothes and also professional clothes for me to wear to work. It’s a lot that I’m going to have to pay for out of pocket and honestly, I just don’t have it and I know you all know that my family would give me the world if they could; they just can’t.

So if you would like to help me in ANY way you can, I would be forever grateful. Anything will help. Whether you have some old coats or scarves you would want to toss my way, I’d accept them happily. Or maybe some blazers and pencil skirts that you don’t wear…I’ll take what I can get. Also, any old furniture or dishes or stuff for an apartment that will help me survive on my own. I’m a child. I’m a mess. HALP.

But if you don’t have any of that stuff and you still want to help, you can follow the link to a gofundme account which will be posted below to donate to the cause. All donations are going to go directly to me moving to Michigan. No Sephora stops. No Taco Bell.

 http://www.gofundme.com/i2bf0s

Literally every penny helps.

I’m so incredibly excited to take this next step in my life and I just want to give a big high five to everyone that has already helped me and supported me. It’s been amazing.

I will be gone for New Years and also my 21st birthday, which is sad but honestly, opportunities like this don’t come often in this world for someone like me and I’m extremely grateful that it has happened for me.

Let’s just hope I don’t freeze to death.

Thank you all again and since I’ll be living alone and won’t know anyone for at least a little while, I’ll probably be blogging a lot more…but don’t get your hopes up 😉

Until next time, beeshes.

MBN

Five Things that Happen When You’ve Been Single for Years

I have never been the type of girl that feels the need to be in a relationship. I know people that jump from boyfriend to boyfriend and it boggles my mind. Not only do I not understand how they can be emotionally ready for another relationship that soon after the previous one ended but I seriously don’t get where these guys come from?? It’s a personal victory each time I can get a guy to ask for my phone number…

I haven’t been in a serious relationship since I was in high school and looking back, it wasn’t that serious. I’ve had flings here and there and even fallen in love since then, but I haven’t actually had a boyfriend since my first one. I just don’t get how so many girls can just get guys to commit while the most I’m getting is a guy trying to sext me while I’m eating spaghetti and watching Pretty Little Liars.

1. You Become Too Comfortable with Your Loneliness:
When a cute boy texts you and says, “Hey what are you up to?” and you reply with, “I’m eating my body weight in chocolate ice cream and watching makeup tutorial videos.”, you’ve probably been single for a few minutes. I have found that I have lost my filter when it comes to making people think I’m sexier than I am. When you’ve been single for an extended period of time, it’s easy to forget that maybe that cute boy doesn’t want to know that you just found Chef Boyardee sauce on your forearm from hours earlier.

2. No Ones Asks You for Relationship Advice:
I used to be overwhelmed by the amount of relationship advice people asked of me when I was dating my ex. I was the go-to gal for shitty relationships. Now I can’t remember the last time someone asked me for any type of relationship advice. If someone starts to bring something up, I get all weird and try to bullshit some answer to make it sound like I know what they’re going through but I guess starting off by saying “Yeah that reminds me of when I had a boyfriend 2 years ago…,” that sort of invalidates my opinion. I just don’t know what I’m talking about anymore.

3. You Can No Longer Relate to Taylor Swift:
This is probably the most positive outcome from being single for too long but Taylor Swift just used to GET me, you know? She just knew what being in love felt like and she just knew how it felt when boys were just being SO stupid~~~
I find myself listening to T-Swift and being confused. I don’t know what she’s talking about and I don’t feel her feelings anymore.
“Why can’t you see that you belong with me?”
Sorry, Taylor, but if you’re not singing about getting felt up in an ally or drinking apple juice straight from the jug, I don’t want to hear it.

4. You Question Yourself:
I’m ugly. I’m fat. I smell bad and I have the personality of a cardboard box. No one likes me and I don’t like myself. I’m going to die alone. I’m going to kill myself.
Okay, no. That’s NOT true. I’m not the most confident bitch on the block, but I’ve come to realize that I’m a lot cooler than I give myself credit for. I have days where I think I look a little chubbier than I would like and days where my skin is so bad I’m jealous of the Before pictures on the Proactiv commercials. It might take some getting used to, but eventually you will learn that your happiness and self worth is not defined by your relationship status. You don’t need a boyfriend or girlfriend to make you feel as if you’re worth something. Stop questioning yourself because you aren’t going to like the answers you receive and eventually you’ll start going down a dark path of self doubt and begin questioning things like your sexuality and identity.

“Hmm, boys don’t like me. Maybe I’ll date a girl. I could be into boobs.”

But then you realize girls don’t want to date you either and then you’re back where you started with double the rejection. So just love yourself and be patient.

5. The Idea of a Date Makes You Want to Die:
I’ve been asked on plenty of dates within the year. I’m not a troll and I know how to have fun and I have a lot in common with a lot of different people so I’m not saying that no one wants to date me, it’s just I don’t know how to date anymore. The idea of going out on a date is enough to make me bite my nails down to the bone and drown in a pool of my own sweat. I’m just disgustingly awkward and maybe I’m alone on this one but I just can’t imagine going on a date with someone and having them leave thinking “yeah this girl is what I want.” I’ve been alone for so long that I literally can’t carry on a normal conversation without bringing up awkward stories about that one time I pissed my pants or how my mom asks me for alcohol. This brings me back to the filter thing. I don’t possess one and it’s becoming a major cock block.

Dating is a two way street. You have to put yourself out there and hope someone thinks your psychotic tendencies are charming and your ability to eat an entire pizza by yourself is a necessary quality in a mate. Maybe being single for so long has given me the life lesson to always be myself and to wait for the person that is going to love me for me rather than pretending to be a sexy goddess that farts glitter and eats lettuce leaves until it’s too late and I’ve trapped them. Or maybe I’m just destined to spend the rest of my days throwing Ramen Noodles at my computer screen when the cute boy kisses the quirky girl in that romantic comedy I’ve watched too many times. Either way, I’m pretty content in my loneliness but I still find myself preferring someone to sleep with rather than a stuffed animal given to me by a man that only gives me the time of day when it’s convenient for him.

For all of you kiddos out there that are falling asleep with your significant others, take a moment and kiss them on the forehead and say, “Thank God I have you because I could be sitting at home writing a blog about being alone.” And if you’re single, I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors because no one likes a thirsty hoe but let me tell you, when all you’ve been drinking for the past two years is Mountain Dew, sometimes all you want is a glass of water.

Bye, beeshes.

MBN

Lipstick: A Love Affair

Lipstick: A Love Affair

I was decently impressed with myself for coming up with the title “Lipstuck” for my blog because it sums up my life by combining the two words that apply to me the most: lipstick and stuck. Stuck applies because I’m … Continue reading