I’m having a hard time and I figured I could vent to you all. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone will call me crazy, abandon me and then make fun of me with their friends? Oh god the horror****** Continue reading
After being admitted into a Crisis Center, I recall an encounter with a woman who changed the way I saw mental illness. Continue reading
My contribution to the Time to Change campaign “Get the Picture” which is aimed towards the media’s wrongful portrayal of what depression looks like. Continue reading
I have 102 scars on my body. One hundred and two scars that are visible to the naked eye. One night I sat down in the shower and I counted each and every red, pink and white line that I put on … Continue reading
Ever since I started posting my writing online, the most common comments and messages I get from people have something to do with how “brave” I am for sharing so much with the world in regards to my personal feelings, … Continue reading
I hate the cold. No…you don’t understand…I HATE THE COLD. There is nothing appealing to me about the cold. I hate being cold. I have terrible memories of waking up for school and wearing what I slept in because I was too cold to get out from under the covers to get ready for school in time. So naturally, when I was offered a job in Michigan I was like “haha funny joke”.
I even asked the guy that offered me the job how cold it was in Lansing, MI to which he replied,
“If that’s going to determine whether or not you accept my employment offer, I’m not going to tell you.”
He eventually caved and informed me that it was in fact 16 degrees.
HA NO THANKS GOODBYE.
If I lived in 16 degree weather I would be absolutely miserable. But wait a second…I’m miserable now.
I’ve lived in Tennessee my entire life and I have been miserable.
I don’t blame Tennessee for my misery. I really don’t. But I’ve done all that I’m going to do here.
When I told one of my friends about the job offer, I expected her to have the same reaction:
But she said, “why the hell not? If you don’t go, what’s your plan for the next five years?”
It was then that I actually gave this offer some serious thought.
What is my plan for the next five years?
Oh shit, I don’t know.
In all honesty, with the way things are going, I would more than likely be in the same situation I am in now.
Life is what you make it. I have the ability to turn my life into what I want it to be but in reality, I’m not going to do it here. I know myself. And I’m not going to make the most out of my life here. It’s not something I am proud to admit but it’s true.
In Knoxville, I will never be fully responsible for myself. I will always have family and friends that will help me. And while that is amazing and I’m forever grateful for that, it prevents me from being motivated. It’s safe. It doesn’t drive me to do better for myself. It’s not scary.
If I move to Michigan I will be completely on my own. And that is terrifying but it’s also exciting. The idea of being somewhere where no one has any sort of preconceived notion of me is enough to make me start packing my bags right now.
I have been offered an amazing opportunity to change my life for the better and I’d be a fool to not do this. This will give me a chance to truly start over, to take my life in my own hands and make something good out of it. And if I were to choose being warm over being happy…well, that’s ridiculous.
A big reason why I’m excited to go is that I’m going to have health insurance. This might not seem like much to some people, but I’m going to finally be able to see a doctor that can help me. I’ll be able to see someone who can help me the way I need to be helped and get me on some meds that will make a difference in my anger, anxiety, and depression. I’ll actually be able to get better. And I can’t do that here because POOR.
I’ve only known about this for a little less than a month. It was sprung on me very last minute and I have to move up there by the end of this month. You read that correctly: I am moving before the first of the year…AHHHH.
I just want you all to know that I have not purchased one thing from Sephora since I made my decision.
THIS HAS BEEN SO AWFUL. And for those of you that know me, you know how hard that is for me…
I also NEVER work nights at my job and since I’ve decided to move I have been working as much as I can. I walk into work at night and at least three people are like “why are you here…”
Well, I’m here to make as much money as I possibly can because I’m trying to move in a month.
But there’s only so many shifts I can work and only so much money I can make on my own.
I have so much to do and so much to pay for and I’m beginning to feel extremely overwhelmed.
I don’t want money to be the only reason for me not to go to Michigan. Money isn’t everything in life but it’s a crucial part of it. I’ve never asked anyone for anything and honestly I feel really uncomfortable asking for anything now, but I need you all to know how serious I am about this life decision. It’s what I want and I’m going to go whether or not I have $5 in my pocket or $500.
I’m going to have to get a new apartment, pay for traveling and moving expenses. I’m also going to need a bunch of serious winter clothes and also professional clothes for me to wear to work. It’s a lot that I’m going to have to pay for out of pocket and honestly, I just don’t have it and I know you all know that my family would give me the world if they could; they just can’t.
So if you would like to help me in ANY way you can, I would be forever grateful. Anything will help. Whether you have some old coats or scarves you would want to toss my way, I’d accept them happily. Or maybe some blazers and pencil skirts that you don’t wear…I’ll take what I can get. Also, any old furniture or dishes or stuff for an apartment that will help me survive on my own. I’m a child. I’m a mess. HALP.
But if you don’t have any of that stuff and you still want to help, you can follow the link to a gofundme account which will be posted below to donate to the cause. All donations are going to go directly to me moving to Michigan. No Sephora stops. No Taco Bell.
Literally every penny helps.
I’m so incredibly excited to take this next step in my life and I just want to give a big high five to everyone that has already helped me and supported me. It’s been amazing.
I will be gone for New Years and also my 21st birthday, which is sad but honestly, opportunities like this don’t come often in this world for someone like me and I’m extremely grateful that it has happened for me.
Let’s just hope I don’t freeze to death.
Thank you all again and since I’ll be living alone and won’t know anyone for at least a little while, I’ll probably be blogging a lot more…but don’t get your hopes up 😉
Until next time, beeshes.
I slept in a bed this weekend. Two nights in a row. The room was freezing cold but I covered myself in three different blankets and fell asleep with a smile on my face. I woke up to friends poking … Continue reading
Greetings, minions. Last time you heard from me I promised I wouldn’t keep you waiting too long for another post but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: I’m a liar. Actually, I’m just lazy and I’ve … Continue reading